So...again, lots of thinking and lots of reading have inspired me to write another blog...sorry that I seem to get most of my material from other people :) haha.
Let me begin by saying that life in New Orleans has become enjoyable. God is showing me so much about Him, His kingdom work, and myself that I can't imagine learning elsewhere. I have found God-centered community and have never been so thankful to God for that. I am involved with a church plant called Desire Fellowship. We work out every day together. We have bible study on Tuesday mornings (going through the book of Joshua), we have another study through a book (Kairo) on thursday mornings. We meet Sunday mornings of course, and we hang out throughout the week. I am soaking in the wisdom and challenges that older brothers and sisters in the faith are sharing with me each day. Thank you for your prayers, God has answered them in the perfect way and in just the right time...go figure!
I feel like I have a home here and the hardest thing that I am struggling with right now is the thought of leaving. Not because I know that I should stay...I feel like my time in New Orleans has been good, but I am called to work with a church and I desperately miss working with kids all the time. I am struggling with leaving because I have built relationships. It is hard to leave because those relationships are so good...a blessing and a curse in the very thing I have prayed for. Am I hurting anyone by investing and then picking up and leaving? Am I really being used by God to make a difference or will I be forgotten in just a couple of weeks as some white girl that came down and then picked up and left like all the others? I think about this more than you know. But my mom reminds me that those are lies from Satan and that even if noone remembers my name, I must cling to the hope that they will remember my God. That is enough and that gives me peace as the end is approaching.
SO, back to the idea of leaving. I hate it. But it is necessary. I remember a professor or two or three :)...telling me that when something stops changing, it dies. We must embrace the change so that we can grow. And even though I hate change, I have grown. I am still nervous about the future. I still freak out because I am not married and have no idea what I am going to do next. I still have to ask myself every night "Where did I see God at work today." And most of all, I still hate change. I still hate leaving. It hurts. And it is not fun. But you know what, I am growing. I am really growing. And through my growth, I have learned to embrace the change.
I resonate with how Donald Miller embraces change in his book "Through Painted Deserts." Miller challenges me to embrace the "going" part of my life:
"It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your toungue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
Even though I hate leaving, I came. God has changed me because of it...and I am so thankful.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
"The Reason for God"- by Timothy Keller
I have been reading a lot in New Orleans. I just finished The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. It is a great book…you should definitely read it if you get a chance! Anyways, I wanted to share my favorite part of the book with you.
On page 178 this is what it says,
““The Christian was is different-both harder and easier. Christ says, “Give me ALL. I don’t want just this much or your time and this much of your money and this much of your work-so that your natural self can have the rest. I want you. Not your things. I have come not to torture your natural self…I will give you a new self instead. Hand over the whole natural self-ALL the desires, not just the ones you think wicked but the ones you think innocent-the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead.”
Here Lewis works from Kierkegaard’s definition of sin. Sin is not simply doing bad things; it is putting good things in the place of God. So the only solution is not simply to change our behavior, but to reorient and center the entire heart and life on God.
“The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is remain what we call “ourselves”- our personal happiness centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field- all the cutting will keep the grass less but won’t produce wheat. If I want wheat…I must be plowed up and re-sown.”
Does that scare you? Does it sound stifling? Remember this- if you don’t live for Jesus you will live for something else.”
Isn’t that good?!?!
I was once told by my good friend Reilly that “If you don’t surrender everything than you aren’t surrendering at all. To surrender anything less than everything isn’t surrendering, it is simply compromising.” I have thought about this a lot, both while I was in school and now, here in New Orleans. It is so hard to truly surrender….surrender everything to the Lord. I mean, it is easy to surrender your resources, and even a lot of your time, but ALL?
I guess that I am just really challenged by this idea of surrendering absolutely all. I know that it is something that I will be trying to do for the rest of my life and will never accomplish in full. But I think that it is a good thing to think about. It is a good thing to wrestle with. Maybe, in wrestling with this idea, I will surrender more of myself to God today than I did yesterday.
On page 178 this is what it says,
““The Christian was is different-both harder and easier. Christ says, “Give me ALL. I don’t want just this much or your time and this much of your money and this much of your work-so that your natural self can have the rest. I want you. Not your things. I have come not to torture your natural self…I will give you a new self instead. Hand over the whole natural self-ALL the desires, not just the ones you think wicked but the ones you think innocent-the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead.”
Here Lewis works from Kierkegaard’s definition of sin. Sin is not simply doing bad things; it is putting good things in the place of God. So the only solution is not simply to change our behavior, but to reorient and center the entire heart and life on God.
“The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is remain what we call “ourselves”- our personal happiness centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field- all the cutting will keep the grass less but won’t produce wheat. If I want wheat…I must be plowed up and re-sown.”
Does that scare you? Does it sound stifling? Remember this- if you don’t live for Jesus you will live for something else.”
Isn’t that good?!?!
I was once told by my good friend Reilly that “If you don’t surrender everything than you aren’t surrendering at all. To surrender anything less than everything isn’t surrendering, it is simply compromising.” I have thought about this a lot, both while I was in school and now, here in New Orleans. It is so hard to truly surrender….surrender everything to the Lord. I mean, it is easy to surrender your resources, and even a lot of your time, but ALL?
I guess that I am just really challenged by this idea of surrendering absolutely all. I know that it is something that I will be trying to do for the rest of my life and will never accomplish in full. But I think that it is a good thing to think about. It is a good thing to wrestle with. Maybe, in wrestling with this idea, I will surrender more of myself to God today than I did yesterday.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
A Story Worth Living
Ok, this entry might be scattered and just a lot of random thoughts, but that is kind of what I am right now, a mess of scattered thoughts.
These past three months have been the hardest months of my life. I don’t really know how to explain in words all of the ups and downs that flood one’s life when they move away from everything they know as soon as they graduate college and live in a place where they are alone except for the presence of God. Do not get me wrong, I have met hundreds (literally) of great people, but just because you meet lots of people does not mean that you suddenly do not feel lonely.
This is probably what I have struggled with the most. I miss my family. I daydream about the beloved school that I just graduated from and the community that is there. I catch myself wishing that the kids I babysit were here with me to watch a Disney movie or play a board game or color. I think about the parents of children I know and realize that their support and guidance and encouragement has helped to shape me into the person I am today…and I deeply miss, well, all of you.
However, I know that God is here. That is enough of a reason for me not to quit.
This past week the summer interns left. I am moving houses yet again. And I have decided in the midst of another transition that I am in need of community. I was spoiled with it all my life…I can’t think of a time when I was without God-centered community; a time when I have been without people pouring God into my life. So maybe this is a lesson that I am learning; that life really is meant to be lived in community. Not, “hey how are you, I’m fine” communities, but real community. Also, I realize that so many of the kids here are without that real community. What an awesome opportunity for me to try and help them find it in these upcoming months.
I was blessed through this last week in so many ways. Jessica came down to see me and God timed the visit perfectly so that she was here when all of the summer interns left. She was also here just in time to see me have an enormous breakdown and she cried with me, laughed with me, and most importantly prayed with me. What a blessing it was to have her here. God used those 4 ½ days to renew my spirit, to fill me back up so that these last three months I can be made empty again. As one of my favorite songs says, “The seed I’ve received I will sow”
Why Jess was here we processed ALOT. We talked about the feeling of “not going back to school.” We processed doing ministry as a single person far away from home (Jess has been in LA all summer and will return in about seven days for a full year). We had discussions that sparked a lot of sentences beginning with “oh, remember when.” This in itself was nice…to talk with someone with whom you can share a “remember when.” We talked about how God was working which was probably what was the most encouraging. To have someone help you see how God is working in your life and also tell you specifically about how He is working in their life too is a great idea (just in case you haven’t done that in a while). We talked about what we had learned from professors; it was neat to see that words they have spoken to us in a classroom have now become hands that push us and pull us forward on this journey, this race that we are all running. If any professors read this, please know that your words are reaching far beyond a classroom in Joplin Missouri.
While Jess was here, she recommended some books for me to read and one of them was the new Donald Miller book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It just so happened that Rach gave me that book for graduation. I pulled it out this past Thursday, two days after Jess left, and began to read. The book is about what Donald Miller learned while editing his life. These guys decided they wanted to make a movie about his big seller Blue Like Jazz which is basically a story about his life and experiences…EXCEPT that if they make this movie, they will have to change a lot of it because his life really isn’t that interesting…in fact, it is rather boring. This launches Miller into this whole idea of “if you examine the story of your life, is it worth reading? If you watch the movie of your life, is it worth watching?” As he talks about living out a story worth watching I have been greatly challenged. While living in New Orleans might not be the easiest thing I could do, it is a story worth reading. The conflicts and struggles that life brings make it worth reading. He says something in his book that has really got me thinking: “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” (page 108)
I am fearful of a lot of things, mostly things that have to do with my future, but I have decided that for the rest of my time here in New Orleans, I am not going to let fear boss me around. God is with me, who can stand against me? God is with me, what do I possibly have to fear? It is Christ’s love that compels me. And that love is enough to persevere. Christ’s love is worth it. If you are reading this and do not know the Lord, please, I beg you, be reconciled to God. He loves you. He loves you so much that He died for you. That really happened…it is not a made up story, it is as real as the struggles that I am facing in New Orleans; it is as real as the struggles you are facing too. God has a story and I am blessed to be a part of it…he wants you to be a part of it too. It is a story filled with trials and ups and downs, but in the end, it the greatest victory story you could ever imagine. It is filled with tears and suffering, but also with great joy and deep community…community that exists even when you are fourteen hours away from those you miss the most. It is a story that I invite you to join. And I promise you, it is a story worth reading, worth watching, worth living.
These past three months have been the hardest months of my life. I don’t really know how to explain in words all of the ups and downs that flood one’s life when they move away from everything they know as soon as they graduate college and live in a place where they are alone except for the presence of God. Do not get me wrong, I have met hundreds (literally) of great people, but just because you meet lots of people does not mean that you suddenly do not feel lonely.
This is probably what I have struggled with the most. I miss my family. I daydream about the beloved school that I just graduated from and the community that is there. I catch myself wishing that the kids I babysit were here with me to watch a Disney movie or play a board game or color. I think about the parents of children I know and realize that their support and guidance and encouragement has helped to shape me into the person I am today…and I deeply miss, well, all of you.
However, I know that God is here. That is enough of a reason for me not to quit.
This past week the summer interns left. I am moving houses yet again. And I have decided in the midst of another transition that I am in need of community. I was spoiled with it all my life…I can’t think of a time when I was without God-centered community; a time when I have been without people pouring God into my life. So maybe this is a lesson that I am learning; that life really is meant to be lived in community. Not, “hey how are you, I’m fine” communities, but real community. Also, I realize that so many of the kids here are without that real community. What an awesome opportunity for me to try and help them find it in these upcoming months.
I was blessed through this last week in so many ways. Jessica came down to see me and God timed the visit perfectly so that she was here when all of the summer interns left. She was also here just in time to see me have an enormous breakdown and she cried with me, laughed with me, and most importantly prayed with me. What a blessing it was to have her here. God used those 4 ½ days to renew my spirit, to fill me back up so that these last three months I can be made empty again. As one of my favorite songs says, “The seed I’ve received I will sow”
Why Jess was here we processed ALOT. We talked about the feeling of “not going back to school.” We processed doing ministry as a single person far away from home (Jess has been in LA all summer and will return in about seven days for a full year). We had discussions that sparked a lot of sentences beginning with “oh, remember when.” This in itself was nice…to talk with someone with whom you can share a “remember when.” We talked about how God was working which was probably what was the most encouraging. To have someone help you see how God is working in your life and also tell you specifically about how He is working in their life too is a great idea (just in case you haven’t done that in a while). We talked about what we had learned from professors; it was neat to see that words they have spoken to us in a classroom have now become hands that push us and pull us forward on this journey, this race that we are all running. If any professors read this, please know that your words are reaching far beyond a classroom in Joplin Missouri.
While Jess was here, she recommended some books for me to read and one of them was the new Donald Miller book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It just so happened that Rach gave me that book for graduation. I pulled it out this past Thursday, two days after Jess left, and began to read. The book is about what Donald Miller learned while editing his life. These guys decided they wanted to make a movie about his big seller Blue Like Jazz which is basically a story about his life and experiences…EXCEPT that if they make this movie, they will have to change a lot of it because his life really isn’t that interesting…in fact, it is rather boring. This launches Miller into this whole idea of “if you examine the story of your life, is it worth reading? If you watch the movie of your life, is it worth watching?” As he talks about living out a story worth watching I have been greatly challenged. While living in New Orleans might not be the easiest thing I could do, it is a story worth reading. The conflicts and struggles that life brings make it worth reading. He says something in his book that has really got me thinking: “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” (page 108)
I am fearful of a lot of things, mostly things that have to do with my future, but I have decided that for the rest of my time here in New Orleans, I am not going to let fear boss me around. God is with me, who can stand against me? God is with me, what do I possibly have to fear? It is Christ’s love that compels me. And that love is enough to persevere. Christ’s love is worth it. If you are reading this and do not know the Lord, please, I beg you, be reconciled to God. He loves you. He loves you so much that He died for you. That really happened…it is not a made up story, it is as real as the struggles that I am facing in New Orleans; it is as real as the struggles you are facing too. God has a story and I am blessed to be a part of it…he wants you to be a part of it too. It is a story filled with trials and ups and downs, but in the end, it the greatest victory story you could ever imagine. It is filled with tears and suffering, but also with great joy and deep community…community that exists even when you are fourteen hours away from those you miss the most. It is a story that I invite you to join. And I promise you, it is a story worth reading, worth watching, worth living.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Park
On Thursday nights from 5-7 we have outreach in St. Roch Park. This park is right across the street from where I live, I can sit at the window upstairs and watch people playing there. Anyways, this last week at the park was incredible. We grilled 300 hot dogs and we ran out of them because so many people came. It was extremely encouraging, since there has been a lot of violence going on in the neighborhood lately, to see so many people come out to hang out and eat together.
I face painted with my friend Julie and I am pretty sure we had to have painted at least 60 kids…and when I say face paint, that also includes arms, hands, backs, and ankles. These kids love getting tattoos. While we were in the middle of face painting, these loud shots went off a couple of streets down. The park got so quiet and all of the kids tensed up, ready to run. Julie and I immediately held onto the kids around us and said “don’t move, everything is fine.” After a few seconds of silence, people began to chat again and we finished out the fun night. I am pretty sure that the shots this time were just fireworks, but you really never know. I was filled with so much joy that nobody left the park when those loud noises happened. I think that it says a lot about what the community desires to be. A place where everyone can come together, hang out, play, and enjoy each other’s company; a place where kids don’t have to stay right beside their parents, but can run around freely in the park; a place where adults can engage in conversation with one another over a hot dog and chips; a place where we can come together and play basketball and football and tag; and ultimately a place where we can pray with our neighbors; a place where we can be a neighbor.
This particular outreach night was amazing. I cherish the time spent with my neighbors and I look forward to doing it again each week.
Oh, and this Tuesday the police are putting on a night out against crime at the park…all of the community will come together to stand against the crime that is happening. I am excited to see what God has in store for this community…I know that it is more than I could ever even imagine.
I face painted with my friend Julie and I am pretty sure we had to have painted at least 60 kids…and when I say face paint, that also includes arms, hands, backs, and ankles. These kids love getting tattoos. While we were in the middle of face painting, these loud shots went off a couple of streets down. The park got so quiet and all of the kids tensed up, ready to run. Julie and I immediately held onto the kids around us and said “don’t move, everything is fine.” After a few seconds of silence, people began to chat again and we finished out the fun night. I am pretty sure that the shots this time were just fireworks, but you really never know. I was filled with so much joy that nobody left the park when those loud noises happened. I think that it says a lot about what the community desires to be. A place where everyone can come together, hang out, play, and enjoy each other’s company; a place where kids don’t have to stay right beside their parents, but can run around freely in the park; a place where adults can engage in conversation with one another over a hot dog and chips; a place where we can come together and play basketball and football and tag; and ultimately a place where we can pray with our neighbors; a place where we can be a neighbor.
This particular outreach night was amazing. I cherish the time spent with my neighbors and I look forward to doing it again each week.
Oh, and this Tuesday the police are putting on a night out against crime at the park…all of the community will come together to stand against the crime that is happening. I am excited to see what God has in store for this community…I know that it is more than I could ever even imagine.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Some Random Thoughts For You
Some things I have learned from kids in the last two weeks
At the children's camp which I am working, there is a little girl named Amani. Amani is precious. She reminds me alot of Allie and Abbey Billman, two girls I babysit back home (and who mean alot to me!) Anyways, the other day we had "Tennis Tuesday" where we all go and a tennis teacher comes and gives lessons to the kids for like 45 minutes. Amani really needed to go to the bathroom while we were at the park and the other kids had already gone so she asked me if I would take her to the restroom. I went with her and it turned out that the bathroom lights wouldn't work. So, I held the door open so that light would go into the dark bathroom and she could kind of see around, even though it was still pretty dark. She was so funny. She would not go into the bathroom and just stared wide eyed at the dark room saying to me "please come with me, I am scared." I explained that if I left the door than the door would close and then it would be completely dark and we both wouldn't be able to see anything...with me at the door at least a little light was shining into the bathroom. Amani quickly removed her shoe and proped the door open with it. Then, she hopped on one foot all the way to the stall and I stood there in the dark and held the stall door shut for her so she wouldn't have to lock the door. She went to the bathroom and I tried to ask her questions so she wouldn't think about how it was dark. I asked her if she liked barbies, baby dolls, movies,or anything else. She likes to dance. Her favorite singer is Beyonce and she loves the song "Single Ladies." She emerged from the stall and I said, don't forget to wash your hands, I will be right by the door, holding it open. I went to the door and gave her her shoe so she could walk to the sink. While she was washing her hands she kept saying "Morgan, don't make those scary noises." Seriously, I was not making any noises, I was just holding the door...she was hearing things because she was scared. All of a sudden, I see her little head peak around the corner at me out of the dark...the water at the sink is still running. She does a snake-ish move with her head and says, once again wide-eyed, "For real, those noises scare me, don't make any more." I couldn't help but hold back a giggle as I stared down at sweet Amani. She reminded me so much of Allie and Abbey in that moment. Her eyes wide, just like when Allie watches movies that she thinks are scary or when she is excited. I began to ask Amani questions again so she would not worry about the dark. However, I could not remove the smile off of my face as I asked her about her sweet life. I miss being a kid sometimes, I miss the days where even a ordinary trip to the bathroom can turn into such an adventure. Such a great moment in a very long, hot, sticky, loud day.
Another kid I get to hang out with lives right down the street from me in St. Roch(Vani). Vani really wanted me to play basketball with him (he is about 7). So we played against a couple of fourteen year olds that were at the park across the street. Needless to say we lost. I kept passing him the ball and he took the shots...that was pretty much our only game strategy. Although he scored only once, there was a moment where Vani caught the ball and then pulled it across his body before he started to dribble. I made a big deal about this saying, "ooo, look at that crossover...that was awesome!" Like I said, we lost...bad. However, as we were walking off the court back towards home, he looked up as me grinning from ear to ear and said, "hey, you member how I crossed that boy up? That was so tight." I laughed and said, oh yeah and made a big deal about it once again. And then I began thinking like a child again. I miss being a kid sometimes, I miss the fact that I could easily focus on the one good thing instead of the fact that I lost.
There is also another kid I want to tell you about. His name is Kalvin and he came with a group of volunteers the week of June 13th. He is from Franklin Indianna which is nice because it makes me think of a really good friend of mine, Jessica Moore who is also from Franklin Indianna. Kalvin was a really hard worker. He helped me clean in the morning and also went with me to the kids camp all afternoon. He is one who danced in the vans when the speakers busted with Michael Jackson and was always really excited about everything on the trip. I was having kind of a rough week and then on Wednesday night I was assigned to stay at the lodging with the groups. I rode with the Indianna group and we got stuck for about 45 minutes in traffic. Before I could even think about being frustrated, Kalvin yells "Hey, can we listen to P.Y.T. by MJ?" The song comes on and he begins to sing, dance, and get the whole van into the song. And as I watched Kalvin, I began to think about my calling. I was fourteen in Dallas inner-city and loving every minute of the missions trip. I was suddenly struck by a sense of renewal as I saw God working right next to me in the van. God used Kalvin to take me back to my calling. When I was just fourteen, I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to inner-city ministry; and even eight years later, living on my own in a city 14 hours from home, God still finds a way to stir my heart when I think of inner city ministry. It is far from what I thought it would be, and I guess that no matter the ministry everyone needs to be renewed sometimes, but God renewed me that very moment by simply taking me back to my calling through the example of a teenage boy.
I miss being a kid sometimes. I miss living in the moment with no worries about what the next day will bring.
But you know what? I am extremely blessed. I have a God who loves me and knows exactly what I need, and I need these kids. He uses them to show me Himself every day I am here. So if you are a kid I know...one I have babysat, one I am related to, one I have just had a few conversations with...please know that I am thankful for you today. God is using you to help me and you are doing great things for his kingdom.
I love you all very much, XOXOXO
At the children's camp which I am working, there is a little girl named Amani. Amani is precious. She reminds me alot of Allie and Abbey Billman, two girls I babysit back home (and who mean alot to me!) Anyways, the other day we had "Tennis Tuesday" where we all go and a tennis teacher comes and gives lessons to the kids for like 45 minutes. Amani really needed to go to the bathroom while we were at the park and the other kids had already gone so she asked me if I would take her to the restroom. I went with her and it turned out that the bathroom lights wouldn't work. So, I held the door open so that light would go into the dark bathroom and she could kind of see around, even though it was still pretty dark. She was so funny. She would not go into the bathroom and just stared wide eyed at the dark room saying to me "please come with me, I am scared." I explained that if I left the door than the door would close and then it would be completely dark and we both wouldn't be able to see anything...with me at the door at least a little light was shining into the bathroom. Amani quickly removed her shoe and proped the door open with it. Then, she hopped on one foot all the way to the stall and I stood there in the dark and held the stall door shut for her so she wouldn't have to lock the door. She went to the bathroom and I tried to ask her questions so she wouldn't think about how it was dark. I asked her if she liked barbies, baby dolls, movies,or anything else. She likes to dance. Her favorite singer is Beyonce and she loves the song "Single Ladies." She emerged from the stall and I said, don't forget to wash your hands, I will be right by the door, holding it open. I went to the door and gave her her shoe so she could walk to the sink. While she was washing her hands she kept saying "Morgan, don't make those scary noises." Seriously, I was not making any noises, I was just holding the door...she was hearing things because she was scared. All of a sudden, I see her little head peak around the corner at me out of the dark...the water at the sink is still running. She does a snake-ish move with her head and says, once again wide-eyed, "For real, those noises scare me, don't make any more." I couldn't help but hold back a giggle as I stared down at sweet Amani. She reminded me so much of Allie and Abbey in that moment. Her eyes wide, just like when Allie watches movies that she thinks are scary or when she is excited. I began to ask Amani questions again so she would not worry about the dark. However, I could not remove the smile off of my face as I asked her about her sweet life. I miss being a kid sometimes, I miss the days where even a ordinary trip to the bathroom can turn into such an adventure. Such a great moment in a very long, hot, sticky, loud day.
Another kid I get to hang out with lives right down the street from me in St. Roch(Vani). Vani really wanted me to play basketball with him (he is about 7). So we played against a couple of fourteen year olds that were at the park across the street. Needless to say we lost. I kept passing him the ball and he took the shots...that was pretty much our only game strategy. Although he scored only once, there was a moment where Vani caught the ball and then pulled it across his body before he started to dribble. I made a big deal about this saying, "ooo, look at that crossover...that was awesome!" Like I said, we lost...bad. However, as we were walking off the court back towards home, he looked up as me grinning from ear to ear and said, "hey, you member how I crossed that boy up? That was so tight." I laughed and said, oh yeah and made a big deal about it once again. And then I began thinking like a child again. I miss being a kid sometimes, I miss the fact that I could easily focus on the one good thing instead of the fact that I lost.
There is also another kid I want to tell you about. His name is Kalvin and he came with a group of volunteers the week of June 13th. He is from Franklin Indianna which is nice because it makes me think of a really good friend of mine, Jessica Moore who is also from Franklin Indianna. Kalvin was a really hard worker. He helped me clean in the morning and also went with me to the kids camp all afternoon. He is one who danced in the vans when the speakers busted with Michael Jackson and was always really excited about everything on the trip. I was having kind of a rough week and then on Wednesday night I was assigned to stay at the lodging with the groups. I rode with the Indianna group and we got stuck for about 45 minutes in traffic. Before I could even think about being frustrated, Kalvin yells "Hey, can we listen to P.Y.T. by MJ?" The song comes on and he begins to sing, dance, and get the whole van into the song. And as I watched Kalvin, I began to think about my calling. I was fourteen in Dallas inner-city and loving every minute of the missions trip. I was suddenly struck by a sense of renewal as I saw God working right next to me in the van. God used Kalvin to take me back to my calling. When I was just fourteen, I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to inner-city ministry; and even eight years later, living on my own in a city 14 hours from home, God still finds a way to stir my heart when I think of inner city ministry. It is far from what I thought it would be, and I guess that no matter the ministry everyone needs to be renewed sometimes, but God renewed me that very moment by simply taking me back to my calling through the example of a teenage boy.
I miss being a kid sometimes. I miss living in the moment with no worries about what the next day will bring.
But you know what? I am extremely blessed. I have a God who loves me and knows exactly what I need, and I need these kids. He uses them to show me Himself every day I am here. So if you are a kid I know...one I have babysat, one I am related to, one I have just had a few conversations with...please know that I am thankful for you today. God is using you to help me and you are doing great things for his kingdom.
I love you all very much, XOXOXO
Saturday, June 12, 2010
"When Helping Hurts"
So, I have been reading a lot this summer already…surprise surprise! On my way down to New Orleans I read “To Kill a Mockingbird.” What a fun read after all of my text books from school! Now, however, I have begun to read school type books again. One of the books that I am currently reading is titled, “When Helping Hurts.” This book is about how to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor, or yourself. I have learned a lot and been challenged a lot by the information in this book. One thing that has particularly set heavy on my heart is about the broken relationship that we have with ourselves, with God, with others, and with all of creation, because of the fall.
This book has challenged me because I feel that so many times in my life I have tried to help through immediate giving without helping someone to fix the root of the problem, which is the brokenness that we have in the four relationships that I have listed above. Also, I have realized that the brokenness in those four relationships have affected my life as well. I am broken too. For instance, why do I really want to help the poor? What truly motivates me? Do I want to serve them because I love them, or is their some other motive living inside of my heart? I have realized, like the author realized, “that part of me is motivated to help the poor because of my felt need to to accomplish something worthwhile in my life, to be a person of significance, to feel like I have pursued a noble cause…to be a bit like God.” It makes me feel good to use my training from OCC to help people in crisis. And, like the author: “ in the process, I sometimes reduce poor people to objects that I use to fulfill my own need to accomplish something. It is a very ugly truth, and it pains me to admit it, but “when I want to do good, evil is right there with me” (Rom. 7:21).”
So what do you do? What do I do? Well, I am searching and praying that God gives me a pure heart every day. That I never boast in myself, but only in Him. That even with the law of sin at work within my being, that God can use me to accomplish His mission, the growing of His Kingdom. In my mind I am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin (Rom. 7:25). Even though this sounds depressing, and it is somewhat, I cannot forget to account for the work that Jesus Christ did on the cross to save me from this sinful flesh. For, while this war is going on between my flesh and my spirit, I am confident that in the end, God wins. Life through the Spirit is one of fullness, of joy, of boldness. Like professor Bowland told me in school, we see in chapter seven of Romans that just because we are Christians, we are not free from sin, however, we are freed from sins determitave power. My professor also told me that in the very next chapter of Romans (ch. 8), we see that life through the Spirit is a life that cannot be killed. In his words, “Chapter 8 begins with no condemnation, ends with no separation, and in the middle, no defeat.” These words comfort me as I struggle. I know that my struggle is healthy, that it means that I am continuing to grow and this is why I have such a problem with my sinful nature. I know that God is powerful enough to not only save me from myself, but to use me, despite the fact that I have not yet been made perfect, and won’t be made perfect until I die or until he comes back again.
I guess that the author of When Helping Hurts is right when he says that, “The fall really happened, and it is wreaking havoc in all of our lives. We are all broken, just in different ways.” However, I also believe that the author of Romans is right when He says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25)
And this is the hope that I cling to as I continue to help the poor in New Orleans. What a wretched woman I truly am. When I try to do good, I realize that evil is right there with me. But that just gives me all the more reason to serve the One True God…to praise and glorify Him with my life…for He has already rescued me from sins determitive power, and one day, He will rescue me from this body of death as well.
This book has challenged me because I feel that so many times in my life I have tried to help through immediate giving without helping someone to fix the root of the problem, which is the brokenness that we have in the four relationships that I have listed above. Also, I have realized that the brokenness in those four relationships have affected my life as well. I am broken too. For instance, why do I really want to help the poor? What truly motivates me? Do I want to serve them because I love them, or is their some other motive living inside of my heart? I have realized, like the author realized, “that part of me is motivated to help the poor because of my felt need to to accomplish something worthwhile in my life, to be a person of significance, to feel like I have pursued a noble cause…to be a bit like God.” It makes me feel good to use my training from OCC to help people in crisis. And, like the author: “ in the process, I sometimes reduce poor people to objects that I use to fulfill my own need to accomplish something. It is a very ugly truth, and it pains me to admit it, but “when I want to do good, evil is right there with me” (Rom. 7:21).”
So what do you do? What do I do? Well, I am searching and praying that God gives me a pure heart every day. That I never boast in myself, but only in Him. That even with the law of sin at work within my being, that God can use me to accomplish His mission, the growing of His Kingdom. In my mind I am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin (Rom. 7:25). Even though this sounds depressing, and it is somewhat, I cannot forget to account for the work that Jesus Christ did on the cross to save me from this sinful flesh. For, while this war is going on between my flesh and my spirit, I am confident that in the end, God wins. Life through the Spirit is one of fullness, of joy, of boldness. Like professor Bowland told me in school, we see in chapter seven of Romans that just because we are Christians, we are not free from sin, however, we are freed from sins determitave power. My professor also told me that in the very next chapter of Romans (ch. 8), we see that life through the Spirit is a life that cannot be killed. In his words, “Chapter 8 begins with no condemnation, ends with no separation, and in the middle, no defeat.” These words comfort me as I struggle. I know that my struggle is healthy, that it means that I am continuing to grow and this is why I have such a problem with my sinful nature. I know that God is powerful enough to not only save me from myself, but to use me, despite the fact that I have not yet been made perfect, and won’t be made perfect until I die or until he comes back again.
I guess that the author of When Helping Hurts is right when he says that, “The fall really happened, and it is wreaking havoc in all of our lives. We are all broken, just in different ways.” However, I also believe that the author of Romans is right when He says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25)
And this is the hope that I cling to as I continue to help the poor in New Orleans. What a wretched woman I truly am. When I try to do good, I realize that evil is right there with me. But that just gives me all the more reason to serve the One True God…to praise and glorify Him with my life…for He has already rescued me from sins determitive power, and one day, He will rescue me from this body of death as well.
Monday, May 31, 2010
"After the Storm"
When I decided to come to New Orleans, the first thing that came to mind was “Hurricane Katrina.” You can’t help it when you hear the name “New Orleans,” to think of Katrina, the storm has attatched itself to the name of the city.
I brought a Sports Illustrated Magazine with me down here and the title is “After the Storm,” with a picture of two members of the New Orleans Saints hugging after their first football game following the Hurricane. And this innevitable attatchment between storm and city has infected the lives of every single person in New Orleans. When I ask to hear people’s stories they split their lives up into two sections: “Before the storm” and “After the Storm.” It amazes me again and again how many people were born and raised here, saying they have been here “their whole lives, except of course, when the storm came.” Then, after the storm they were moved…and the locations are all different; or those who say “We moved here after the storm,” or “we moved here about seven years ago, just in time for the storm.”
You can see it in the city itself, the empty overgrown lots, the endless rows of houses lined up one after another after another that are still boarded up from the storm, with a giant X by the door stating plainly the number of people who were found dead in the house as well as who the house was inspected by and the date. There are houses that look brand new next to houses that are torn, boarded up, desolate, almost like the stillness that comes after a big storm.
I didn’t realize when God brought me here that the people whom I would be working with would not just be rebuilding homes, schools, workplaces, and churches, but lives as well. You can lose a lot in a storm. Your home, your family, your roots, and for some, even your faith.
But you know what? Someone once told me that even when it is storming, when the sky’s are filled with clouds, when the water pours from the sky and there is no sign of stopping, the sun is still shining somewhere in the midst of it all, even if you can’t see it. I like to think that maybe this is why God has brought me to this place…to bring His light, His Son.
I see it around me in the small churchplants all over the city, little rays of light bursting through the aftermath of the storm. I seeit through the people whom I have already had the pleasure to meet. I even see it in the city itself. The new schools going up, home after home being rebuilt. And the sunsets are probably where I see it most of all. I have yet to be here an evening when I have not thouroughly enjoyed gazing at the magnificant sunsets that God has painted in this city’s sky. I like to think that the sunsets are God’s way of giving the people of New Orleans a gift for withstanding the storm. A physical reminder of his compassion and sovereignty.
A reminder that even when the storms cloud our vision, the sun is still shining, even when we can’t see it. And a reminder that more than houses need to be rebuilt. More than schools, workplaces, and even church buildings need to be rebuilt; lives need to be rebuilt. And sometimes, the only way to rebuild is to first tear down. Sometimes patching something up is not possible, sometimes the disaster, the tear, the storm, has created a mess that cannot be patched. Sometimes, it has to be completely rebuilt. And as one of my professors once told me, that is exactly what Christ came to do. He didn’t come to patch us up. He didn’t come to make us better, he came to make us brand new.
I brought a Sports Illustrated Magazine with me down here and the title is “After the Storm,” with a picture of two members of the New Orleans Saints hugging after their first football game following the Hurricane. And this innevitable attatchment between storm and city has infected the lives of every single person in New Orleans. When I ask to hear people’s stories they split their lives up into two sections: “Before the storm” and “After the Storm.” It amazes me again and again how many people were born and raised here, saying they have been here “their whole lives, except of course, when the storm came.” Then, after the storm they were moved…and the locations are all different; or those who say “We moved here after the storm,” or “we moved here about seven years ago, just in time for the storm.”
You can see it in the city itself, the empty overgrown lots, the endless rows of houses lined up one after another after another that are still boarded up from the storm, with a giant X by the door stating plainly the number of people who were found dead in the house as well as who the house was inspected by and the date. There are houses that look brand new next to houses that are torn, boarded up, desolate, almost like the stillness that comes after a big storm.
I didn’t realize when God brought me here that the people whom I would be working with would not just be rebuilding homes, schools, workplaces, and churches, but lives as well. You can lose a lot in a storm. Your home, your family, your roots, and for some, even your faith.
But you know what? Someone once told me that even when it is storming, when the sky’s are filled with clouds, when the water pours from the sky and there is no sign of stopping, the sun is still shining somewhere in the midst of it all, even if you can’t see it. I like to think that maybe this is why God has brought me to this place…to bring His light, His Son.
I see it around me in the small churchplants all over the city, little rays of light bursting through the aftermath of the storm. I seeit through the people whom I have already had the pleasure to meet. I even see it in the city itself. The new schools going up, home after home being rebuilt. And the sunsets are probably where I see it most of all. I have yet to be here an evening when I have not thouroughly enjoyed gazing at the magnificant sunsets that God has painted in this city’s sky. I like to think that the sunsets are God’s way of giving the people of New Orleans a gift for withstanding the storm. A physical reminder of his compassion and sovereignty.
A reminder that even when the storms cloud our vision, the sun is still shining, even when we can’t see it. And a reminder that more than houses need to be rebuilt. More than schools, workplaces, and even church buildings need to be rebuilt; lives need to be rebuilt. And sometimes, the only way to rebuild is to first tear down. Sometimes patching something up is not possible, sometimes the disaster, the tear, the storm, has created a mess that cannot be patched. Sometimes, it has to be completely rebuilt. And as one of my professors once told me, that is exactly what Christ came to do. He didn’t come to patch us up. He didn’t come to make us better, he came to make us brand new.
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